Connecticut Nonprofit Empowers Kids to Talk About Grief

A nonprofit organization in Connecticut is tackling the difficult topic of death and grief among children, aiming to create open dialogues one bird at a time. Founded by Terry Murphy, Soulful Sydney, Inc. has launched the Healing Chickadee initiative, which provides resources designed to help children cope with the loss of loved ones.

Murphy’s journey began with her own experience of loss; at just 10 years old, she lost her 16-year-old brother unexpectedly. Decades later, the memory of her first visit to a funeral home remains vivid. “I couldn’t move, and my feet felt anchored to the floor,” she recalled. A funeral director offered her comfort during that traumatic time, and Murphy believes strongly in the role these professionals play in assisting grieving families. She noted, “That was in 1971, and there were no resources or help for children at that time.”

On November 16, 2023, the United States will observe National Children’s Grief Awareness Day, a day highlighting the need for support for young individuals facing grief. According to the Childhood Bereavement Estimation Model, approximately 1 in 11 children in Connecticut will experience the death of a parent or sibling by the age of 18, equating to about 59,000 children, or 8.2% of the state’s youth.

Recognizing this gap in support, Murphy established the Healing Chickadee program about ten years ago. It aims to foster communication between children and adults regarding grief and loss. “It’s about communication and connecting,” Murphy explained. The initiative features a group of birds called the “Tweethearts,” each representing a different word or theme designed to spark conversation. The resources include videos, activities, and even a coloring sheet, all intended to facilitate discussions about difficult emotions.

Murphy emphasized the effectiveness of nature in nurturing children. “If you take a child out who has lost a loved one for a walk, you’re going to get a lot more from them than if they are sitting with a therapist asking, ‘Tell me how you feel,’” she noted. The Healing Chickadee program is intended as a complementary approach to traditional therapy.

Now semi-retired from her career as a nuclear medicine technologist, Murphy is dedicating more time to this initiative. The Healing Chickadee program will be implemented in 30 funeral homes across Connecticut by the end of the year. “Your funeral director is not someone to be afraid of. They are a resource, and now they will have something special for kids in the community,” she said.

Through a grant from the Petit Family Foundation, Murphy has expanded the reach of the Healing Chickadee program to organizations such as Parents of Murdered Children and Survivors of Homicide. “Just in the last week, we have sent out 80 birds across the country to those kinds of organizations,” Murphy stated.

The program also regularly donates to The Cove Center for Grieving Children in Connecticut. Recently, Murphy delivered 30 birds to Wethersfield for a candlelight vigil for Survivors of Homicide. Additionally, she coordinated the distribution of 60 boxes to a grief center for children affected by the devastating fires in Maui in 2023.

Children’s grief centers have shown interest in the program, which includes plush birds and letters for trusted adults. These adults can then assist children in exploring the resources available on the Healing Chickadee website, which features music from Disney composer David Friedman. Some of the songs include “It’s Not Bad To Be Sad” and “There Is Life.”

Murphy believes that the tactile nature of the birds allows for unique interactions. “Grief centers and funeral directors tell me there’s nothing out there like this,” she said. The program provides something tangible that can be utilized in various ways, which traditional resources often lack.

Reflecting on her personal experience, Murphy noted that her family struggled to discuss grief openly after her brother’s death. “We don’t talk. Families don’t talk about it because they don’t want to upset each other,” she explained. The Healing Chickadee aims to break this cycle by providing an accessible way for children to express their feelings.

Murphy has enlisted ten women to help pack the birds with “extra grandma love.” This initiative, dubbed the “Soulful Grandma Brigade,” has turned into a community project that brings people together to support grieving children.

Lissa Lovetere-Stone, president of Munson-Lovetere Funeral Homes, Inc., has recognized the value of the Healing Chickadee program at her facilities. “We are always interested in how we can help children. The Healing Chickadee works really well,” she noted. Lovetere-Stone has distributed several birds to grieving families, finding them to be effective communication tools that encourage children to share their feelings in a comfortable manner.

“Death and speaking to children about death is such a taboo subject,” she remarked. “Some parents want to shelter their kids, and having someone interested in starting this conversation is a great idea.”

For more information on the Healing Chickadee program, visit healingchickadee.com or contact them via email at [email protected].