Navigating Sexual Discovery: One Man’s Journey to Openness

A man, known only as Mr. Butt Stuff, has opened up about his journey of sexual discovery following a breakup two years ago. After an eight-year relationship, he has come to terms with his desire for anal sex and prostate stimulation. As he contemplates re-entering the dating scene, he grapples with how to share his newfound interests with potential partners.

In a letter to the sex advice column “How to Do It” on Slate, Mr. Butt Stuff expressed his struggle. He enjoys regular anal masturbation, which has led to pleasurable prostate orgasms. This revelation, while exciting, has left him feeling vulnerable about discussing it with future partners. He wonders how and when to bring up these topics, fearing a potential rejection.

The column’s hosts, Stoya and Rich, offered advice tailored to his predicament. Rich, who identifies as gay, noted that in his community, discussions about sexual preferences often occur early in the dating process. He emphasized the importance of being upfront about desires, suggesting that this openness allows individuals to filter out incompatible partners early on.

Rich pointed out that interests such as pegging, a sexual practice involving anal penetration, have gained visibility in popular culture. He referenced a recent scene from the Netflix show “Hunting Wives,” which portrayed such activities in a matter-of-fact manner. This shift in societal perceptions may ease conversations about sexual interests.

Timing is crucial when discussing intimate preferences. Rich recommended having these discussions soon after the initial stages of dating. He suggested framing the conversation positively, stating, “Say that you like butt play and that while it’s not everything to you, it’s a major part of your sex life.” By doing so, individuals can gauge their partner’s openness without risking premature vulnerability.

Rejection is a possibility, particularly when revealing interests that deviate from the conventional. Rich advised that while this risk exists, one can mitigate it by using dating applications that cater to open discussions about sexuality, such as Feeld and FetLife. These platforms provide a more welcoming environment for sharing personal interests.

For those hesitant to explore heterosexual dating due to fears of rejection, Rich also suggested considering same-sex encounters. He reassured Mr. Butt Stuff that exploring such options does not define one’s sexual orientation and that many men are enthusiastic about engaging with those who are new to anal experiences.

In another letter to the column, an anonymous individual recounted an embarrassing incident involving a neighbor. This writer, who is nearly 60 years old, shared that while enjoying a morning routine with his dog, he unintentionally exposed himself during a moment of surprise. The situation raised questions about how to address the awkwardness of the encounter and how to proceed following the unexpected exposure.

Such stories highlight the complexities of navigating sexual expression and intimacy in modern relationships. As individuals continue to explore their desires openly, the importance of communication emerges as a vital component in fostering fulfilling connections. Whether through candid conversations about preferences or addressing unforeseen incidents, the journey towards sexual openness can lead to greater understanding and intimacy between partners.