Psychiatrist Highlights Limerence as Key Indicator of BPD

A psychiatrist’s recent TikTok video has drawn significant attention for discussing how “limerence” can often signify borderline personality disorder (BPD). In the clip, Professor Ahmed Hankir explains that this intense attachment style is frequently misinterpreted as mere infatuation or “romantic obsession.” Instead, it may arise from early emotional wounds and instability.

Limerence is characterized by an overwhelming fixation on a specific individual, even if that person shows little interest or is unavailable. “They become the centre of your universe, even if they are dismissive, abusive, or rude,” Professor Hankir stated. He emphasized that this behavior represents one of the “least known but most painful” aspects of BPD, a condition that affects approximately 1.6% of adults in the United States, according to conservative estimates.

Individuals experiencing limerence may endure intrusive thoughts about their object of affection, oscillating between euphoric highs and devastating lows, intense anxiety, and, in some cases, suicidal ideation. In light of these challenges, Hankir urges those facing such symptoms to seek professional assistance.

Understanding Limerence and Its Impact

The psychiatrist’s video resonated with many who identified with experiences of limerence and its connection to BPD. Commenters highlighted the severity of this behavior, underlining that increased awareness is crucial for managing BPD and understanding limerence. “Awareness is the first step toward healing,” Hankir noted during his discussion on October 21, 2025.

He posed a thought-provoking question: “Have you ever been so obsessed with someone that your entire world revolves around them, even when they ignore you or hurt you? That might not just be love. It could be limerence.” Hankir elaborated on the fixation that accompanies limerence: “You idealise them, idolise them, and put them on a pedestal. You crave their validation like oxygen, and even the smallest breadcrumb of attention feels euphoric.”

In many cases, the fixation occurs toward individuals who are emotionally distant. According to Hankir, “Limerence is thought to stem from early attachment wounds. Many people with BPD describe having an inconsistent or emotionally absent caregiver. As adults, they unconsciously recreate that dynamic, chasing people who replicate that same emotional distance, desperately trying to earn the love they never consistently received.”

Pathways to Healing

While the emotional turmoil from limerence can feel unbearable, Hankir emphasized that recovery is possible. He advocates for dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), which helps individuals learn to regulate their emotions and rebuild a healthy sense of self. “True healing starts when your world begins to revolve around you again,” he stated.

The video has prompted vulnerable responses from viewers, many of whom have shared personal experiences with BPD and the anguish associated with limerence. One commenter, who identified as having borderline personality disorder, noted, “I agree this has got to be the worst, most painful thing to go through.” Others recounted how limerence affected their lives, with one individual mentioning, “I got fired from a job over limerence… truly the most terrible lesson I had to learn.”

Another commenter, speaking from the perspective of someone who has been the object of a BPD sufferer’s obsession, described the distressing nature of their experience: “It’s like living with a stalker that you know can snap at any moment. Residential treatment, including dialectical therapy, did nothing to stop her. Now we live knowing she can resurface at any moment.”

As the conversation about BPD and limerence continues to grow, Hankir’s insights serve as a reminder of the importance of understanding mental health conditions and the experiences of those who live with them. Through awareness and appropriate support, individuals can navigate the complexities of their emotions and work toward healing.